


the night kim seungmin died

by jinwook



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, hehe it gets kinda sad i guess, hyungmin angst, idk what else to say but uh, spiderjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-01-11 01:36:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18420140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinwook/pseuds/jinwook
Summary: “you can’t save everyone”





	the night kim seungmin died

"I'm sorry, Hyunjin, I love you so much," Were the last words Hwang Hyunjin ever got to hear his boyfriend, Kim Seungmin say for the last time.

It was Hyunjin's fault for what happened, or that is what he constantly told himself. His first love dying would always haunt him, no matter what happened in his life. Being a superhero meant he had to save everyone, and he could, but Seungmin. . . was the only one he ended up not being able to save. It was haunting, having the small and vurnerable boy dying in his arms. If he didn't cancel on the other, he would still be alive and well, but something came up, and he couldn't. Hyunjin lays in bed all night, every night thinking of the phone call--- if he was fast enough, it would've been easier to save him. Tonight would be one year since his death, and he knew there would be a memorial, but Hyunjin didn't have any energy to get up and go. A knock echoed through his room, it was probably his older brother or Jisung.

"Hey Hyunjin," A soft voice spoke, it didn't sound like Hyungwon or Jisung, "It's Jeongin, can I come in?"

"Yeah, I guess," Hyunjin barely said, sitting up from his bed and waiting for the male to enter  his room.

Jeongin opened the door and slipped in, closing it quietly behind himself. It's been a few months since Hyunjin saw Jeongin, he's gotten taller and his braces removed. Though he did look older, Hyunjin would always see him with his baby face and wide, bright eyes. Jeongin was Seungmin's cousin, people say that he took the news even worse than Hyunjin. Hyunjin believed it too, Seungmin treated Jeongin like his younger brother, always helping him and doing things for him even if Jeongin didn't ask. Seungmin did that for everyone, he loved everyone. That's a reason why Hyunjin was so in love with Seungmin, he always saw the light in everyone, even to the person who was responsible for taking his life.

"How're you holding up?" Jeongin asked, but the tone in his voice sounded like he already knew the answer.

Ignoring the question, Hyunjin stood up and stretched, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. God he was a fucking mess. His normally styled blonde hair looked greasy and tangled, he had black bags under his eyes, and he looked like he would cry at any moment.

"Are you here to ask me to come to the memorial? Or did Woojin send you to ask me?" He didn't mean to sound so rude, but Woojin has been asking him about the memorial since last month, something about having his first love there would mean a lot. 

"Look, Hyunjin, I know you're hurting, but we all are," Jeongin mumbled, looking around the messy room, "But hiding in your room and isolating yourself is not going to help! It's been a year, I'm still hurting too, but you are still in the first stage of grief, being away from things that can make you happy is not going to make it better! I know he was your first love, and that you feel like it was your fault because of the whole situation, but you're supposed to save people! You aren't going to save them if you can't even save yourself from dying over a broken heart. It is okay to say you're hurt, but you haven't opened up to anybody, you just sit in here in bed like a damn bum! Hyunjin, Seungmin would want you there, you know Seungmin would not be mad at you for him dying. You know he would never be mad at anybody, not even the man who killed him! You cannot let your emotions control what you want to do, you can't! So, I don't wanna continue this conversation, if you come, good. But if you don't, I think everyone is going to question if you really loved him as much as you said you do,  have a nice day."

The red head didn't wait for the other to answer, he blinked at him and then walked out of the room. His words hit Hyunjin like a bullet through the heart, everything he said was true. Every time a friend came over to check on him, he just pushed them away. It wasn’t anything personal, Hyunjin just refused to talk about his hurt and why. Everything that night was his fault, no matter what nobody told him. At first, everyone believed it was a horrible prank, who would want to hurt Kim Seungmin, the city’s best boy? Hyunjin didn’t accept it until the funeral when he was face to face with the younger’s lifeless body in a casket. He didn’t want to look at the body too long, but his eyes caught the gold ring in his finger. The ring Hyunjin gave him as a promise to protect and love him forever. A promise he couldn’t keep. Tears threatened to spill out, but he kept his composure. As soon as the funereal was over, Hyunjin went home and locked himself in the room. His friends and brother tried to coax him out, but he’d just ignore them until they gave up. Woojin, Seungmin’s older brother came over a lot to give Hyunjin some things of Seungmin’s things. “He’d want you to have these,” Was all Woojin would say before he left. Hyunjin stood up again, going to grab something nice to wear to the memorial. It’s the least he can do, maybe it’ll be good for him. He walked down the street, there were people everywhere, but it felt so empty. The memorial was going to be held at the building where Seungmin died at. The Empire State building, as stupid as it was, he died at the tallest building imaginable. His cause of death wasn’t released to anybody except his family, but Hyunjin knew how he did, everyone knew he knew as well. Nobody asked him about it though, they knew Hyunjin wouldn't be able to handle it.

 

As he walked, his eyes caught his reflection in a window. God he was truly a mess. Not mentally at that. His hair was greasy and his face was red and had salt trails running down his cheeks.

Some boyfriend he is- was. He couldn’t even make himself look presentable. Maybe he just didn’t care anymore. No that wasn’t true. He loved Seungmin more than life itself, he just couldn’t love himself for being the cause of Seungmin’s death. He closed his eyes, all he could see was Seungmin’s teary eyes as his hand reached out, begging for some kind of help. But even before he hit the ground, Hyunjin tried to save him. His web caught him, but it snapped his neck. Maybe if when he met Seungmin, he should’ve pushed him away. But it was too late for ifs. Seungmin was dead and Hyunjin has everything, but nothing at the same time. He didn’t have his closure.

 

He had memories, but that is all he will ever have now. Memories and the wonders of what life could’ve been like if Seungmin was still here.

**Author's Note:**

> hehe i hope you liked it! my twitter is /smingies !! pls leave feedback and maybe if you want a part two!


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